After two days of successful sprint racing here in Germany, I was faced with a choice. Winning the "Fastest Paddler on Earth" title for the second year in a row as well as the inflatable sprints and the Parallel Slalom races, felt great, and made me feel like my old self again. Despite, the successes of the last few days, I had a difficult choice to make this morning, the morning of the 18km Lost Mills Race.
I got my things ready as though I would race today, and then, I had my first episode of being sick. I have been holding back the news but its difficult to do when you are a top racer. The rumours are correct, I am pregnant. I had a hunch at ISA Worlds in Mexico when my body felt strange in the races and I confirmed my guess work when I got home. I wanted to come to Europe anyway and told myself by doing so I would have to really listen to my body and be ready to not race, or stop racing, or race slower than normal... For me, I am not a spectator, I am a racer and being a racer I obviously like to be on top of the podium. What I didn't realize, was just how challenging it would be mentally for me to make these choices....
So here I am the morning of the long distance race,... I got sick in the morning, and then felt a little better so ate a good breakfast, and at breakfast, I knew inside that I just shouldn't race but I struggled with the thought. I was no longer making choices just for me, but essentially for 3 people, myself, Andrew, and the little peanut growing inside of me. I went outside to check the air temperature, HOT, I came back, I made myself think I was feeling great, but I wasn't... I chatted with some folks around me, and the consensus, was it was 33C outside, it was a 2 hour race with no wind and on flatwater (so working really hard),... I had to think about what it could cost me to race? What if I couldnt finish the race and it cost me? So,.... with all the will power I had I gave my number to Georges who flew in from Tahiti the night before. I found myself on the beach, watching everyone else get ready,... a small part of me was glad I was going to miss the pain and stress and a whole big part of me hated every moment of not having all that stress and worry and pain... I wanted it so bad... I thought I was okay with it all but then broke down watching the adrenaline of everyone else... it was hard, really hard,...
So, I tried to occupy myself, I went for a 5km paddle, I rented a peddle boat and peddled to the end of the first lake and watched the racers on the run, I peddled back, went for a swim, rented a bike, biked around the lake twice... watched the racers come in, biked around the lake again, went for another 5km paddle,.... and now I am tired too, but a different tired, not the I just pushed my body to the limit crazy adrenaline tired, but the I am pregnant it is hot out and I just did three different sports in 2.5 hours tired.. hahah I suppose I have to start getting used to that...
Congrats to all the racers....
Follow me as I continue to figure out how to be an athlete and pregnant... I am sure there will be many more "smart" choices I will have to make along the way... I have to say.... although it is difficult to make these choices when I am at the race and wanting to race, the reason for these choices could not be more exciting and wonderful. I am beyond happy for this new adventure for Andrew and I.
Thank you all for your amazing support:) I am ready for the crazy adventures ahead....
live, love, laugh,...DREAM!
lina
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